Stories, Thoughts and Snippets
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Where was the logic in all things natural and healthy costing no less than three or four times what their deliciously mass produced unhealthy counterparts did? A body does not maintain itself, and even with regular exercise, which I get, after a fashion, a flawed diet can still ruin you. The mere presence of whole grains, which by nature would seem to require less processing than refined flour, somehow push the price of a loaf of bread to twice the cost. Iceberg lettuce, which is for all intensive purposes crunchy water, is somehow a quarter the cost of a comparable amount of spinach.
Fruits may be the worst of all. Never mind the apples and oranges, which will sometimes go for as much as a dollar each when a candy bar, requiring such a larger investment of resources and energy to process, will sell for fifty cents. Sometimes less. But ask for even a semi-exotic and you will pay through the nose for the luxury of say perhaps a pomegranate, or a mango. Even avocados routinely sell for as much as two dollars each. Not that avocados are a particularly healthy addition to a diet, but the point remains.
It's been this way for me all my life. No matter how I make my money, when I spend it I look at everything I buy in terms of my labor. When I was waiting tables and I spent a dollar I would look at that dollar and think to myself, this is represents the time I spent bringing that balding guy his hamburger and refilling his cup of coffee, this represents the smile I faked, and the pain I felt in my feet. Since I've been stripping it's been easier. This dollar is the dollar I got by taking off my clothes and letting a man slip his fingers, however briefly, between my underwear and my skin. The groceries I buy today will represent the half-an-hour I spent rubbing myself against some other man in a private room, the man who got himself thrown into the street when he licked my nipple despite my warnings. Which was good because it made spending hurt a little more.
I don't know what I was saving for, but I was saving for something. When I found it I was god damn going to be ready with as big a lump of cash as I could. I always wanted to live spontaneously, find something I loved and pursue it relentlessly, but that never worked for me. Every time I tried I would choose one impulse to follow, but it would never stick. I ended up in Vegas on an impulse, but as soon as I got here the drive for stability took hold and I found myself choosing safe roads and mitigating problems. If I am going to be honest it was really only a stoke of luck I ended up dancing in the show at the Mirage at all, I went to a few casting calls in my first days, but then I stopped when they interfered with my shifts at the club. I stripped for six months and was confident that it would be all I did in Vegas, but one of my more enthusiastic regulars ended up being a casting director, and by showing a little extra enthusiasm of my own I got myself through the first rounds of selection.