Stories, Thoughts and Snippets
Self Improvement 1 Self Improvement 2 Self Improvement 3 Self Improvement 4
It never gets any fucking easier. Every day we run and every damn day it hurts just as much, the only difference is you agree to take more pain. You wait a little longer before you tell yourself that you can't go any farther. Your lungs burn and your legs feel like the muscles are separating from the bones and the top of that hill doesn't come any faster than it did the day before. And then the lieutenant screams out our time, and it's faster than yesterday, which had been faster than the day before. It didn't feel any faster. It doesn't matter anyway, the lieutenant still isn't happy. Somehow tomorrow it will be faster, somehow my body will agree that it can handle a little more, only the mind sees the pain as a bad thing.
The first time we did this I didn't make it half way to the top, my lungs screamed and my feet screamed and I thought I was going to shit myself. Now that I know I can survive to the top, it isn't reassuring. All I know is that I run and it hurts and I feel like I want to stop, my mind is telling me that I should stop, some primitive part of my brain is screaming that we need to have reserves in case some huge predatory cat should stalk us in the near future. When I feel myself shutting down I have to argue, fuck you, we made it to the top yesterday, there's no fucking reason we won't make it to the top today. You should be able to do it better. You are a machine being trained, being upgraded with stronger more durable parts, every day you should be a little better than you were the day before. But I still want to stop.
Self Improvement 1 Self Improvement 2 Self Improvement 3 Self Improvement 4