Stories, Thoughts and Snippets
Village 1 Village 2 Village 3 Village 4
We all make our own decisions. I believe that, I always have, I always will. But that does not entirely eliminate the possibility of fate. I worked hard. My social life suffered, I destroyed a few relationships that might have had a chance to go somewhere because I wanted my success more than whatever those girls could offer me. I wanted to make a fortune, to be secure throughout my life in a comfortable fashion of living which I would define for myself. Had I been born to a wealthy family and known from my earliest moments that financial worries would never be my concern, wouldn't I have had to be a different person? Wouldn't I have responded to love with love, rather than distance? Wouldn't I have married and spent my leisure hours writing or painting or something? Wouldn't I have raised a family, and surrounded myself with lasting friends?
Of course I could have chosen those things even with the life I was handed, it would have been easy enough, just a different set of choices. My brother made them, it worked for him, he has a family, he doesn't make much money, but enough to get by on, not so different from our father. He has more friends than I do, he's part of a bowling league for Christ's sake, but I wouldn't say he's necessarily happier than I am, or than I was anyway. We just chose different paths, different things were valuable to us. He was probably a little more satisfied with his position as we settled into middle-age, not necessarily because he thought he had done better than me, but because he thought that what he had done would continue to influence the world long after I'd been forgotten. He was probably right.
I was one more wealthy man, not incredibly rich, but undeniably wealthy, and I was self-made, which gave me an air of legitimacy that many of my colleagues lacked. Nevertheless I was one man, and I had not created anything new, I had made my fortunes buying and selling the produce of others, when I died all that remained would be my private holdings, my real estate, and my bank account. Here was my brother's great advantage, when he died his children would carry on, maintaining the possibility of changing the world in an important and lasting way. And, since I had no heirs of my own, when I died all that I had amassed in my life would pass to his children, he knew this, and therefore my life's work would eventually serve only to support his life's work. History could only be justified in viewing me as a supporting character in his life, I would be the rich uncle who died and made life easier for the main characters.
Even if we do have absolute autonomy to make any decision we might like given the circumstances we find ourselves in, those circumstances are most often entirely beyond our control. Moreover, many times circumstances seemed to present choices that were no choice at all. For example, on my sixty-second birthday, I was visiting my brother's family. I didn't really have anywhere else to go. This was a fairly rare occasion, as both of my nephew's were home, and George had brought his wife and six-month old daughter. On the morning of the second day of my visit I woke with a familiar ache in my joints and a soreness at the back of my throat. When I made my way downstairs the family was dressed and disappointed that I wasn't. They had intended to take me out for breakfast at a family restaurant off the interstate. I was told they had surprisingly good French toast.
I told them to go on without me and offered to watch my great-nephew, I was planning on ensconcing myself on the recliner and watching a selection from my brothers James Bond collection. So I watched my brother and his wife pile into their station wagon with their two sons and still fairly unknown daughter-in-law. The babies mother had made sure her daughter's needs were well attended to, and if anything should arise I would have all necessary supplies close at hand. The child, who looked like every other baby I had ever seen, was very quiet, I believe actually slept through the entirety of GoldFinger.